Power Shopping
by THOMAS

8-1-06

Thomas has officially gone…CRAZY!

But then you already knew that!!

Before you call the ‘men in white coats’, let me explain.

Thomas bought a pair of khaki colored shoes, by Perry Ellis, about 8 months ago.  I figured that they would be perfect for summer wear.  I remember buying them, during a snowstorm, at Burlington Coat Factory, for $5.00 (originally they were $45.00).  Two weeks ago, I was invited to a summer picnic, and I decided to wear my new shoes.  I went to the closet where I keep all of my footwear.  They weren’t there.  I searched through the 80 pairs of shoes again.  Those shoes were MIA (MISSING IN ACTION).

Where could they be? Were they still in the house?  Did I accidentally throw them out with the trash?

Did a ‘shoe bandit’ break in and steal them?

I considered putting up ‘missing shoes posters’ (like for dogs or cats) or going the talk show circuit, pleading with the public…“have you seen my shoes”? But even Thomas felt that was a little extreme!

While I was on the phone, whining to Ginger (of Spice Girls fame), I realized that I couldn’t find a pair of pants that I purchased at the same time as the shoes.  I informed Ginger that I was going to hang up the phone and start…Operation Closet Purge!  Yes, I was determined to find those pants and my beloved shoes.

I decided the next rainy day would be the perfect time to start my mission.  Three days later…still no rain, but the temperature hit 105 degrees with a heat index of 114 degrees.  I decided to stay in the air conditioning and go closet-by-closet, room-by-room until I found those shoes and the pants.  (The heat wave lasted 4 days…so did the purging)

I started in the guest room closet where I keep two dozen business suits, 5 tuxedos, hundreds of short sleeve dress shirts, and half of my 300 plus sweaters.  To purge properly, you take everything out of the closet and only put back what you haven’t worn for 2 years.  I tried to show ‘no mercy’ by tossing about 30 dress shirts, 5 suits, and 40 sweaters into boxes and bags awaiting a trip to AmVets and Goodwill Industries.

Did I find the shoes and pants?  No!  But I did find three shopping bags that had 30 dress shirts, 15 pairs of pants (but not the one that I was looking for) and 6 pairs of black dress socks.  Oh, and I found of new set of kitchen tongs and some earwax remover…don’t ask!

Maybe I put the shoes into the gift closet in my office. So I decided to tear apart my gift closet.  

Pay Dirt!

No, I didn’t find the shoes or the pants, but I did find Christmas presents that I forgot about.  Unfortunately, the gift labels had names of people that were deceased for 7 years.  (I guess I should clean out that closet more often)!

{Now is when I remind my readers that I have my Christmas Shopping done and wrapped and my Christmas cards addressed!  Please don’t hate me…remember, I am shoeless! }

Once I finished that closet, I decided to start in on my bedroom wardrobe…where I keep dress pants, long sleeve dress shirts, ties, belts, shoes, and the remaining sweater collection.  I removed everything and started filling more boxes and bags for charity.  I started to re-hang the dress shirts (in color order…yes, I know I am anal about that).  I refolded the sweaters and put them in color order too. 

6 hours later, I finished with the closet…no missing shoes, no pants!

I checked under the bed…nothing.

I had amassed a huge pile of boxes and bags, so I decided to start loading the trunk of my car.  Maybe the missing items were still in the garage? So I started cleaning the garage.

Nothing. 

I was starting to think Thomas was going mad and had hallucinated about even buying shoes!

I still had 3 more rooms to purge, but it was late and I fell into bed.  The next day, I got up early and started on the utility room, moved to the living room, then to the dining room. 

Nothing!

I was in the process of washing, ironing, and hanging up those 30 shirts into my bedroom closet, when I looked down at the shoes and noticed a Perry Ellis box.  I cautiously looked inside and there they were…

My beloved khaki shoes!

They were in their proper spot in my closet the whole time.  I must have looked in the closet a dozen times.

Hmmm, Thomas never thought to look ‘IN’ the box!

I called Ginger and told her about the ‘shoe mystery’ being solved.  I, however, used the ‘shoe bandit’ theory so that Thomas’ stupidity wasn’t the focus.

Ginger saw right through it and suggested Thomas seeks therapy!

Not until I solve the ‘missing pants’ mystery!

And now…

DON’T DOUBT THOMAS!

THINK MEN’S “2 FOR” SALE!

Value City Department Stores [nationwide] has started their “2 for” sale in the men’s department.  The entire stock of dress suits and suit separates are on sale.  Suits are 2 for $99.99, 2 for $119.99, 2 for $149.99, and 2 for $199.99.  Dress shirts and ties are 2 for $17, 2 for $20, 2 for $25, and 2 for $30.  Most newspapers also have a $10 off coupon for additional savings.

THINK BOOKCASES!

Need bookcases for you home, office, or dorm room? Value City has bookcases, by Sauder, on sale.  Choose from 3-shelf for $29.99, 2-shelf at $19.99, or 5-shelf at $39.99.  Black, oak, or cherry finishes are available.  Assembly is required.

THINK FLOOR SEATS!

Target [nationwide] has a sale on floor seats.  They are perfect for dorm rooms or sporting events and have 5 adjustable sitting positions and folds flat for storage.  They come in a variety of colors for the sale price of $6.88.

THINK LAPTOP COMPUTER!

Office Depot [nationwide] has a great deal on a 15.4” Truebrite Widescreen laptop by Toshiba.  For $599.99, you get a Satellite Notebook computer with 1Gbmemory, media center, and DVD burner.

THINK BATH SCALE!

Target [nationwide] has a bath scale, by Taylor, for $15.00.  This lithium electronic scale with large 1.1” LCD readout is accurate to 330-pounds.

THINK STORAGE TOTES!

Menard’s [nationwide] has a sale on RubberMaid storage totes for $1.97 after rebate.

Have you purged your closets lately?