Your link to Northwest Indiana. tm
Your link to Northwest Indiana. tm |
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Power Shopping O-U-C-H!!!! For Thomas, the Christmas season came in with a giant ‘bang’ this year…literally! No, I am not talking about some catastrophic snowstorm, or a fistfight at the mall (OK, I usually have one of those per holiday season…and, well, the day after Thanksgiving is now known as ‘bloody Friday’), or even fireworks (well, I thought they were fireworks…turned out to be a ‘drive-by shooting’). The ‘BANG’ occurred when Thomas opened his gift closet to retrieve the Christmas presents that have been stored for the past 5 years (OK, make that the past 10 years, but I didn’t want to sound to OCD [Obsessive Compulsive Disorder]). Hundreds of boxes and bags fell out of the closet knocking poor Thomas unconscious! Forget crystal, silver, or china…next year… everyone gets socks…they won’t hurt so badly when they come ‘flying off the shelf’!! Now, my loyal readers know that Thomas is NOT stretching the truth about his gift closet. Thomas only tells the truth (ouch, my halo just shifted), but I honestly have gifts for the next 10 years stored in a giant closet. They are even wrapped and labeled as to the contents and prospective recipient (yes, I know you are screaming OCD). My only problem…having to ‘dust’ them off!! On to the moment you have been waiting for, my traditional Christmas column where Thomas rewrites the words to a famous Christmas Carol with a focus on Power Shopping. I submit to you Away in a Manger, a’la Thomas! Away in a manger, no crib for a bed, Stop right there… a manger?…no crib?…NO BED? Just where is this carol headed? In order for this carol to be about Thomas and Power Shopping, I would have to be laying on hay, in an open area with a star shining in my eyes and a bunch of stinky cattle breathing on me. I read ahead and ‘low and behold’, Thomas wouldn’t even be able to cry or whine about the situation.I don’t think so! Lying on hay constitutes ‘roughing it’ and the closest thing that Thomas comes to ‘roughing it’ is a Holiday Inn without a Jacuzzi! Plus, Thomas’ delicate ‘hiney’ doesn’t touch anything less than 300-thread count linen!! Skip this Christmas Carol…let me try White Christmas. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. I am assuming that the lyricist is speaking about snow. Well, Thomas does not dream about snow, especially in this area of the country. Snow means shoveling. Snow means high home heating bills. Snow means automobile accidents. We just had our first snowfall. Thomas slipped on the ice and bruised his delicate ‘hiney’! I am already sick of snow! Wait a minute… Snow also means shopping! Snow boots, wool coats, and leather gloves to name a few ‘snow essentials’. OK, Thomas prefers to dream about his many shopping fetishes, primarily jewelry and clothing, but sometimes a person must make sacrifices. So allow me to tweak the lyrics a little…I’m dreaming of a shopping filled white Christmas. Just like the ones I used to know Oh, please… used to know? Thomas remembers every white Christmas and EVERY shopping excursion. I think the line should go… Just like the ones Thomas savors! Plus, I need some clarification… am I asleep when I am supposedly dreaming about this blasted snow, or am I ‘day dreaming’ about the ‘white stuff’? Where the tree tops glisten and children listen Hey, if I am ‘dreaming’ about a shopping filled white Christmas, my dream would take place in an ‘in-door’ mall with artificial trees. OH, and NO children! I would rewrite the line…Where artificial trees listen with 24-karat gold and diamond decorations and children are permanently banned from Thomas’ air space. To hear sleigh bells in the snow. Didn’t I just say I was in an indoor mall? Unless the snow is artificial, it wouldn’t survive the heat of a mall. Plus the only thing Thomas wants to hear is the sound of a salesman asking Thomas if he could help him. I will only accept…To hear “yes sir”, ‘what ever you say sir”, “YOU are a Power Shopping guru, sir” in the mall. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. Didn’t we already establish in the first line that I DO NOT dream of a white Christmas? So let me just eliminate this line entirely. With every Christmas card I write. Say what? Thomas is too busy Power Shopping to write Christmas cards. The only thing the Thomas writes, during Christmas, is his name on a credit card receipt. So the line should go…With every credit card, check, or on-line shopping receipt he signs. May your days be merry and bright. Power Shopping ALWAYS makes Thomas merry and bright…we will keep this line as written. And may all your Christmases be white. There is that ‘stinking’ white stuff again! The only acceptable and appropriate line for a Power Shoppers like us would be… And my all your Christmases be filled with all the treasures and bargains you can ‘dream’ of! And now… DON’T DOUBT THOMAS! THINK PICTURE FRAMES! Need to frame all of those holiday photos that you have been taking? Well, Michaels The Arts and Crafts Store [nationwide] has a large selection of frames by Timeless Elegance, Rare Woods, Family Occasions, and Home Images at 40% to 50% off. Shadow box frames are also 40% off. They also have 8” x 10” to 10” x 13” frames, by Lifestyles, for $4.99 each. THINK JEWELRY! What woman or man wouldn’t want a special piece of jewelry for Christmas? For the special lady in your life, let me recommend a few items from Albert’s Diamond Jewelers in Schererville, Indiana. They have two ‘customer appreciation value’ rings for $99.99 each. Offered are either a Mystic Star and diamond or Lorelei created pink sapphire and diamond ring. Each is valued at $200. Need something less expensive? Albert’s also has two ‘customer appreciation value’ rings for $59.99. THINK ELECTRONICS! Something electronic is always a welcome gift at holiday time. Meijer [nationwide] has a deal on a Lexar, LDP600 256 MB MP3 player for $52.97, regularly $129.97. Over at Sears [world wide], try a 20-in flat-screen triple play TV/DVD/VCR, by Toshiba for $299.99. Apply at $15 instant savings and you pay $284.99. Best Buy [nationwide] has a 27” flat tube TV, by Sharp, for $249.99. THINK DIGITAL CAMERAS! Cameras make a great Christmas present. Staples [nationwide] has a great selection of digital cameras on sale. I saw a Kodak EasyShare Z740 on sale for $299.98 saving you $50.00 off the normal price. It has 5.0 megapixels, a 10X optical/5X digital zoom, and comes with a free 256 MB memory card. Office Depot [nationwide] is offering 15% off all of their digital cameras. THINK CLOTHING FOR THE FAMILY! Kohl’s [nationwide] has 40% to 50% off their entire stock of winter outwear for the whole family. Wishing you my very best for a safe holiday season! Thomas |
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